By Dr. Reba Haley

It would be beneficial to look at the effects that a person’s childhood has on the way he/she parents their children or child. It is clear that an individual learns how to communicate and relate to significant others by observing social interactions.

People communicate and relate from their point of reference and/or life exposure. Therefore, in a relationship, it may be difficult for your partner to appropriately communicate. Often, past family hurts, rejection, abuse, secrets, incest, molestation and other issues keep individuals unhealthy and families separate. If it’s not revealed, it cannot be healed. These hidden and unaddressed hurts and emotions can affect how a person parents their child or children and interacts with their mate.

The key to a healthy family is accepting what happened in the past. Acceptance does not mean that what happened was okay, but that the event or situation did occur. Open discussion and prayer can bridge the gap between communication and emotion. Communication and forgiveness are keys to building a healthy family. If you forgive people their trespasses their recklessness and willful sin your heavenly Father will also forgive you. To begin the healing process, an individual must make a decision to forgive all those who hurt them. Forgiveness provides healing and is essential to family and marriage stability.

Make a decision to forgive. Make a decision to live a life of peace. Make a decision to raise God-fearing children. Decide to make better choices. Make a decision to let it go. Be willing to make the proper adjustments to have your best life now. It won’t happen until you make a decision. If you keep looking backward, you can never move forward. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past” (Isaiah 43:18)


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Kelly Wise Valdes has been writing for the Osprey Observer since 2008. She graduated in 1989 from Florida Southern College with a B.S. in Communications and enjoys writing and traveling. She currently resides in northern Hillsborough County with her husband, David. When not traveling and writing, Kelly and her husband enjoy spending time with their five grown children (as well as their grandchildren) that still keep them very busy.